Last week, the Today show discussed the controversial novel, Fifty Shades of Grey, which raced to the top 50 on the New York Times bestsellers list over the weekend. British TV producer and wife, E.L. James, vividly describes a submissive/dominant sexual fantasy across the pages of this novel and continues the story, in a steamy trilogy. The subject matter has been dubbed racy and has spurned a flood of newsworthy stories because despite graphic, seemingly violent content, many suburban housewives are flocking to the nearest bookstore and singing their praises for this novel.  As an MD, specializing in sexual health, and an avid reader of the entire trilogy, I believe the popularity of this book has a place in the bedroom –it is a much needed tool to revive long-term relationships and help women reclaim their libido.

Benefits may include:

• Increases arousal: Lost libido is a top concern for women over 40. Women love erotica because they are imaginative creatures.  Men are visual. This plays on a woman’s needs -women want room for the whole fairy tale.  Inside the pages of this book, a woman can insert herself into the fantasy, harmlessly, and bring that “fire” to the bedroom.
• Ideas for play: Yes, this book is the extreme when it comes to sex toys, but you don’t have to make it extreme in your bedroom.  That’s what bringing fantasy into reality is – in reality it becomes watered down.  Bring a blindfold into the bedroom -intense sensual experiences may involve tying one another up or blindfolding one party to intensify the  sense of touch and ability to immerse yourself in the experience.
• Communication: If you are sitting next to your partner in bed getting all “hot and bothered” by erotica – he is definitely going to be interested in talking about it – it is the topic of sex after all.  Read the book together, communicate about what each of you like and would like to try.  This book can be the gateway to open communication about your sexual fantasies with one another.
• He Takes Charge: One reason this book is hot! hot! hot! among women over 40 right now is because women are not fantasizing about dominating toys, they just want their man to take charge in the bedroom.  After a long day of caring for the house and the family, she wants to kick back and relax and he can take over and put forth the effort to please her. This book helps women communicate this message.

With all the controversy, it is important to note that the female lead did decide that the level of BDSM was too much for her. Together, they decided to create a watered down version that suited both their needs. Each woman should decide where to take this information even if it simply remains only in her mind.